BR #89 AUTHENTICALLY KIND

#BR EP. 89 - AUTHENTICALLY KIND
This episode redefines kindness as a commitment to self-respect, personal growth, and authenticity.
I explore how prioritizing boundaries and self-care can lead to deeper connections, inner peace, and the freedom to live authentically.
Learn how to break free from people-pleasing habits, embrace discomfort, and foster relationships built on mutual respect and understanding.

#BR EP. 89 - AUTHENTICALLY KIND  //  SELF ENQUIRY
1. How do you currently define kindness, and does it include kindness toward yourself?

2. What personal boundaries could you set to protect your energy and well-being?

3. Reflect on a time you said "yes" to something that didn’t align with your values. How did it affect you, and how could you handle it differently in the future?

4. What small steps can you take to prioritize self-respect and authenticity in your daily life?

MEDITATE FOR 30 DAYS
30 DAYS OF YOGA

RETREATS:
Contact: experience@envision-retreats.com

WORK WITH ME
Contact: www.eleonoragendelman.com
Instagram: @bendingreality.pod

If you think this episode is valuable, please support my podcast by sharing it with your friends and family, on social media channels tagging/crediting @eleonora.gendelman & @bendingreality.pod

Please subscribe to my newsletter to receive the latest updates, upcoming events, workshops, and retreats.
Contact/Subscribe
Web
Instagram
Facebook
YouTube
Spotify
Apple Podcast

Transcript

Today we're going to talk about being kind. This is about redefining what kindness means, not as a habit of people pleasing, not as a tool to avoid discomfort, but as a commitment to our own growth and integrity. When we talk about kindness, it often comes with an unspoken assumption kindness means putting others before ourselves, sometimes to the point of neglecting our own needs and desires. And while there's value in empathy and compassion, kindness is often misconstrued as sacrificing who we are  to make sure others feel comfortable, even at our own expense. This perception can lead us to sacrifice our own boundaries, suppress our authentic selves, and sometimes lose sight of who we are entirely. So what if kindness could be something different, something more aligned with self respect, boundaries and personal integrity. Self respect is not just about saying no when something doesn't sit right with us, it's about having a deep understanding and appreciation for our own worth. When we prioritize our self respect, we start seeing kindness in a new light. Rather than being solely outwardly directed, kindness becomes a value that we turn inward. It means treating ourselves with consideration, compassion and fairness. We realize that our needs and boundaries are just as valid as anyone else's, and respecting them is not selfish or unkind, but rather an essential part of maintaining a healthy relationship with ourselves. Personal boundaries are a significant component of this redefined kindness. Boundaries are the invisible lines that protect our emotional, mental and physical well being. When we set boundaries, we create a safe space for ourselves in which we can express who we truly are, free from the pressure to conform or please others. 

Boundaries allow us to show up in the world as our authentic selves, rather than a version molded by the expectations and demands of others. Setting boundaries isn't about telling others what to do or not to do, it's about letting them know what we can and cannot accept. This is an act of kindness to ourselves, because it preserves our energy, maintains our sense of self, and ultimately allows us to give more meaningfully when we choose to do so. Setting boundaries can be challenging,. We may worry that setting boundaries will make us appear selfish or unkind, or that it will create conflict in our relationships. But true kindness doesn't mean avoiding discomfort at all costs. It means being honest and upfront about our needs, even if that honesty might lead to difficult conversations. In fact, it's often more respectful to both ourselves and others to be clear and assertive, rather than to say yes when we don't mean it, or to go along with things that don't feel right to us. When we hold back our truth out of a misguided sense of kindness, we are not actually serving others. We're just creating a facade that eventually leads to resentment, exhaustion or even burnout. When we commit to this redefined form of kindness, we also invite a new level of responsibility in our relationships. It's a responsibility to be clear about who we are and what we stand for. This clarity allows those around us to understand us better, fostering a deeper connection based on mutual respect. People come to know our limits, and in turn, have the opportunity to respect them. In this way, boundaries actually enhance our relationships. They allow us to connect with others from a place of wholeness, rather than from a place of depletion or sacrifice. We can engage with others without losing ourselves in the process.

setting boundaries also helps us develop a deeper sense of inner peace. When we constantly put others' needs above our own, we often end up feeling frustrated, used or taken for granted, but when we start honoring our own limits, we create a foundation of self trust. We know that we can rely on ourselves to protect our well being, and that we won't allow ourselves to be pushed past our comfort zones for the sake of others. This self trust is empowering. It allows us to face challenges and navigate relationships with a sense of confidence, knowing that we are in control of our own lives. in addition to strengthening our relationships and inner peace, redefining kindness as self respect and boundaries can have a profound impact on our personal growth. When we stop sacrificing ourselves to please others, we free up mental and emotional space to focus on our goals, dreams and passions, we can invest in activities that genuinely fulfill us rather than those that drain us. By committing to our own growth, we give ourselves permission to evolve, to become the best version of ourselves without feeling guilty or self indulgent, and as we grow, we naturally become more capable of helping others from a place of abundance rather than depletion. This kind of kindness isn't about abandoning compassion for others. It's about realizing that compassion has to include ourselves. When we are clear about our boundaries, we actually have more capacity to show up for others in a meaningful way. We're no longer giving from a place of obligation or resentment, but from a place of genuine care. And others can sense this difference. when we choose to be there for them, it's because we truly want to be not because we feel pressured to do so. This kind of kindness born from self respecting boundaries has a ripple effect. It encourages others to respect themselves as well, to set their own boundaries and to engage in relationships from a place of wholeness.

 people pleasing is a behavior many of us are familiar with, whether we realize it or not, it's the tendency to prioritize the comfort ,expectations or desires of others over our own, often to the detriment of our personal well being and authenticity. From a young age, many of us learn that being good or kind means accommodating others, going along with what they want, and avoiding any actions or statements that might cause discomfort or conflict. While this might seem like a harmless or even positive tthing, people pleasing can actually lead us to a life of constant self compromise, diminishing our sense of identity and personal power. The irony is that in trying to make everyone else happy, we often end up feeling disconnected, resentful or even lost. One of the biggest challenges with people pleasing is that it becomes a deeply ingrained habit. It's not just about saying yes to others' requests. It's a mindset that influences how we interact with the world. When we're in people pleasing mode, we're constantly scanning for what others might want or expect, even if they haven't said it outright, we anticipate their needs and adjust our words, actions and even our personalities to fit the image we believe will make them comfortable. This can lead us to hide parts of ourselves, avoid expressing our true opinions, or make choices that don't align with our values. Over time, these small sacrifices accumulate and we begin to lose touch with who we are, all for the sake of trying to be liked or accepted by others. Breaking free from people pleasing starts with the realization that our worth is not dependent on how much we accommodate others. too often, people pleasing stems from a deep seated belief that we must earn approval to be valued. We might feel that saying no or asserting our own needs will make us appear selfish or unkind. But real kindness is not about self sacrifice to the point of self neglect. Real kindness honors both others and ourselves. It means valuing our own needs and desires as much as we value those of the people around us. When we recognize our worth independent of others opinions, we no longer feel compelled to bend ourselves to fit every situation. We become grounded in who we are, understanding that our value is intrinsic, not conditional. Breaking the Habit of people pleasing also requires us to embrace discomfort. Often, we people please because we fear conflict or disapproval. We worry that if we don't go along with others, we'll create tension or hurt feelings. But discomfort is a natural part of any authentic relationship. When we're honest about our boundaries and needs, it may cause temporary discomfort, but it leads to deeper, more genuine connections In the long run. we give others the opportunity to see us as we truly are, rather than the version we think they want to see. Yes, some people may not respond well to this shift, especially if they're accustomed to us always saying, yes, but those who truly value us will appreciate our honesty, and our relationships will become stronger and more balanced. Another important aspect of breaking free from people pleasing is learning to communicate our needs openly and confidently. For many people pleasers, the idea of saying no can feel daunting, even terrifying, but expressing our needs is not a selfish act. It's a necessary part of maintaining our mental and emotional health. When we say yes out of obligation or fear, we're not truly present or engaged. We're simply going through the motions, often feeling resentment or exhaustion As a result. By saying no when we want to, we create space to say yes to the things that genuinely matter to us, we're able to invest our time and energy in ways that feel fulfilling and aligned with our values. This shift can be incredibly liberating, as we begin to realize that we have the power to shape our lives according to our own priorities, rather than being at the mercy of others expectations, learning to let go of people pleasing also involves releasing the need for constant validation. When we're in people pleasing mode, we often seek approval or praise as a way to feel good about ourselves, but this external validation is fleeting and unreliable. One moment, we might receive praise and feel on top of the world. The next, we might face criticism and feel devastated. Relying on others for our sense of self worth keeps us in a state of emotional dependency, constantly seeking the next state of approval to feel validated. Instead, we need to cultivate a sense of self worth that comes from within. This means recognizing our own accomplishments, celebrating our strengths and accepting ourselves fully. when we build this internal Foundation, we're less affected by others' opinions, and we're able to stand strong in our own sense of worth. As we work to break free from people pleasing, it's also essential to give ourselves grace and patience. People pleasing is often a deeply ingrained behavior, one that we may have been practicing for years, even decades. Changing this pattern won't happen overnight, and there will likely be moments when we slip back into old habits, but each time we assert our needs or set a boundary, we're taking a step toward reclaiming our authenticity. We're reminding ourselves that our well being is just as important as anyone else's, and we're building a new habit, one of self respect and empowerment. Over time, these small acts of self assertion add up transforming our relationships and our sense of self. The process of breaking free from people pleasing is ultimately a journey towards self liberation. We stop living in reaction to others expectations and start making choices that reflect our true desires and values. We learn to be comfortable with who we are unapologetically, and we begin to attract relationships that reflect this newfound authenticity. People pleasing may have once served us as a coping mechanism, a way to navigate relationships or seek acceptance, but as we grow, we realize that true acceptance begins within. when we accept ourselves fully, We no longer need to mold ourselves to fit the expectations of others. We're free to be exactly who we are, and in that freedom, we find a deeper sense of fulfillment and peace.

Prioritizing authenticity over external approval is one of the most liberating choices we can make in a world that constantly tells us how we should look, act and think, being true to ourselves can feel like an act of rebellion. 
 from a young age, many of us are conditioned to seek approval from others, parents, teachers, peers, and later on, colleagues in social circles we’re encouraged to conform, to fit into certain molds and to adhere to societal norms. And while fitting in can offer a sense of comfort and security, it often comes at a high cost, the sacrifice of our authenticity. When we prioritize approval from others or being true to ourselves, we slowly chip away our own identity, values and beliefs. We end up living lives that look good on the outside but feel hollow on the inside. Authenticity means showing up in the world as our true selves, without the masks or personas we often put on to please others. It requires us to embrace who we are at our core, our values, passions, and imperfections. This isn't always easy, because it means being vulnerable. It means exposing parts of ourselves that may not align with what others expect or want to see. But authenticity is the foundation of a fulfilling life, because it allows us to build a sense of self respect and integrity. When we live authentically, we don't feel the need to seek constant validation from others. Our sense of worth comes from within, from knowing that we are living in alignment with our true selves. Choosing authenticity also means letting go of the fear of judgment. Fear of judgment is one of the main reasons we seek external approval In the first place, we worry about what others will think of us, how they will perceive us, and whether they will accept us. This fear can lead us to censor ourselves, hiding aspects of our personality, interests or beliefs, to fit into what we believe is acceptable or admirable. But living in fear of judgment keeps us trapped in a cycle of self betrayal or constantly adjusting ourselves to fit into different situations, losing touch with who we truly are in the process. When we prioritize authenticity, we accept that not everyone will understand or approve of us, and that's okay. We learn to be comfortable with the fact that we won't resonate with everyone and that our worth is not dependent on others acceptance.

Another critical aspect of authenticity is learning to trust our own intuition. We often defer to others opinions, allowing them to dictate our choices and actions. We seek advice, feedback and validation, hoping that others will give us the answers we're looking for. But no one knows us better than we know ourselves. Authenticity requires us to tune out the noise and listen to our inner voice, trusting that we have the wisdom and insight to make the best choices for ourselves. This doesn't mean we can't seek guidance or advice when needed, but ultimately, we take responsibility for our decisions when we trust ourselves. We become less reliant on others' approval, because we have a strong sense of who we are and what we stand for. Living authentically also requires courage, because it often means going against the grain. Society has a way of setting standards and norms that we're expected to follow, whether it's in terms of career choices, lifestyle, appearance or beliefs. When we choose to be authentic, we may find ourselves at odds with these societal expectations. We might feel pressure to conform or to follow a path that others find successful or respectable, but authenticity asks us to create our own directions, even if it means taking an unconventional route. This courage to stand out and pursue our own path is what sets authentic individuals apart. They're not driven by the need to fit in, they're driven by a commitment to their own truth. And while this path can be challenging, it's also incredibly rewarding, because it leads to a life that feels meaningful and fulfilling. Choosing authenticity over approval also has a profound impact on our relationships. When we're not being true to ourselves, our relationships lack depth and honesty. We may find ourselves surrounded by people who only know the version of us that we presented for their acceptance, but these relationships are fragile because they're based on a facade rather than genuine connection. When we embrace authenticity, we allow ourselves to be fully seen by others, this opens the door to deeper, more meaningful relationships, because we're not hiding behind masks or pretenses. We attract people who resonate with who we truly are, rather than those who are drawn to a version of us that's curated for approval. Authenticity creates a foundation of trust and respect in relationships, allowing for genuine connection and mutual understanding. Another powerful effect of prioritizing authenticity is that it inspires others to do the same. When people see us living our truth, it gives them permission to do the same. Authenticity is contagious. It encourages others to let go of their own masks and embrace who they are. This creates a ripple effect, fostering a culture of honesty, openness and self acceptance. By being true to ourselves, we contribute to a world where others feel safe to do the same, we show that it's possible to live a life that's aligned with our values and passions, regardless of societal expectations or others opinions. In this way, authenticity becomes an act of leadership and service, encouraging others to live in alignment with their own truth. Prioritizing authenticity also leads to greater personal fulfillment and satisfaction. When we're constantly seeking approval, we're never truly satisfied, because external validation is fleeting and unreliable. We might feel a temporary sense of accomplishment when others praise or admire us, but it doesn't last. Authenticity, on the other hand, provides a deep sense of fulfillment that comes from within. It's the satisfaction of knowing that we're living in alignment with who we are and what we believe. This kind of fulfillment is sustainable because it's not dependent on external factors. It's rooted in our own sense of purpose and integrity, which cannot be taken away by others, opinions or judgments. living authentically allows us to fully explore and express our potential. When we're constantly seeking approval, we limit ourselves to what is seen as acceptable or admirable by others. We play small, afraid to take risks or pursue passions that might be misunderstood. But when we prioritize authenticity, we give ourselves permission to dream big and pursue our passions without fear of judgment. We become free to explore our talents, creativity and aspirations, knowing that our worth is not tied to others Approval. this freedom allows us to reach our full potential, tapping into abilities and passions that might have remained hidden if we were focused on pleasing others. Authenticity empowers us to live boldly and unapologetically, creating a life that feels true to who we are At our core.